


Lost in the Past

by Elphachel



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: Depression, F/F, Past Rape/Non-con, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-04
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-02 18:38:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4070413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elphachel/pseuds/Elphachel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Laura finds memories from her past surfacing, and falls into severe depression. Carmilla tries to help Laura, but can she be enough?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories Return

“Finally...” Carmilla sighed as Laura turned off the camera. “Do you know how frustrating it is to be cockblocked by a fucking machine?” Laura walked over and took back her place next to Carmilla. Carmilla wrapped an arm around Laura, continuing. “At least we’ve locked the door now.” Carmilla leaned closer, now punctuating her words with soft kisses to Laura’s lips. “We’ve got this room all,” kiss, “to our,” kiss, “selves.” On the last word, Carmilla pulled Laura into a deep kiss that just kept going.

Their bodies were close together, and Laura couldn’t help a sigh from escaping her lips as she felt Carmilla’s hair tickle her face. Carmilla ground slightly into her. Laura felt a twinge of panic in her stomach. She pushed it down, and tried desperately to fight the nausea she was beginning to feel.

Carmilla felt Laura’s hands come between them and work their way slowly down Carmilla’s stomach, which was already warming up with desire. She let out a soft, gutteral moan, as she pushed Laura’s hand inside her pants, her lips vibrating slightly against Laura’s. She felt Laura shaking slightly against her, and brought her lips to Laura’s neck, sucking gently at her pulse point, before beginning to suck harder. Then she took Laura’s hand out of her pants, and pulled away.

“Carm, what are you-“ Laura was interrupted by Carmilla’s lips meeting hers once again.  
“We’ve never got this far before, and, as you said, I’ve got years of experience on you. It’s not fair if you don’t get any attention, especially since you’ve never done this before...” Carmilla slowly pulled off Laura’s pants. Laura shuddered slightly. Carmilla continued, believing Laura’s reaction to be a good indication that what she was doing was correct. She slowly worked her hand beneath the waistband of Laura’s panties.  
“Do you have any idea what I want to do to you?” Carmilla purred into Laura’s ear, using one hand to hold Laura’s hands above her head.

At this, Laura couldn’t take it anymore, the suppressed memory bursting into her mind as she let out a piercing scream. She pulled away from Carmilla, terror etched on her face, the nausea that had been threatening to overcome her since Carmilla began touching her forcing a vile liquid into her mouth. Fighting to keep her mouth closed, Laura ran into the bathroom without bothering to close the door.  
‘Dear God, what have I done?’ Carmilla thought, staring blankly at the part of the bed that Laura had inhabited. Without a second thought, Carmilla rushed over to the bathroom where her girlfriend was kneeling in front of the toilet. Carmilla pulled Laura’s hair back from her face, and began slowly stroking her forehead while her girlfriend continued to be sick.

Finally, Laura pulled away from the toilet, a sheen of sweat covering her face, her entire body shaking violently. Carmilla was ready, and washed Laura’s face off with a cold wet cloth, before picking her up and carrying her to the bed, where she gently deposited the small girl. Then Carmilla piled blankets onto her girlfriend, who was still shivering.

Carmilla stood, uncertain by the side of the bed.  
“Hey creampuff, do you want me to go, or...” she looked down at Laura, waiting for an answer.  
“Please don’t leave me alone,” Laura whispered, tears leaking from her eyes.  
“Of course not, cupcake. As long as that’s what you want.” Carmilla slid into the bed and gently placed her arms around Laura’s small frame. The shaking was finally beginning to subside.  
“Carm, I’m so, so sorry,” Laura mumbled, already half-asleep.  
“It’s okay cupcake. I love you.” The only answer that Carmilla received was a soft snore.


	2. The Morning After

When Laura woke up, she was still wrapped in Carmilla’s arms. For a few seconds, she lay there, content in the warm embrace of her girlfriend. Then she tasted the remnants of a vile substance in her mouth, and groaned at the raw pain she felt in her throat.

“Goodmorning, cupcake,” Carmilla whispered in Laura’s ear before gently kissing her forehead. “How are you feeling?” Laura groaned once again as she thought about the events of the previous night.

“Carm, I’m so sorry, I can’t even remember why I got so freaked out, it just brought back-“ Laura stopped, her face suddenly turning pale.  
“Brought back what?” Carmilla prompted. “Brought back a bad memory?”  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” Laura mumbled. “I can’t talk about it. You were murdered. You’d think it’s stupid and trivial.” Carmilla bit her lip.  
“Creampuff,” she said softly, “yes, I was murdered. I’ve seen and done some pretty awful things in my life. But I will never call you stupid or trivial because of something you’ve gone through. You could say that you freaked out because the colour of the curtains made you feel unwell, and I would apologise and offer to change them. One person’s suffering does not make another person’s pain less valid, okay?”

By now, there were tears threatening to spill out of Laura’s eyes. Her head hammered, and she cried out as her stomach twisted painfully. She wretched, but her empty stomach prevented anything from coming out.  
“Laura...” Carmilla whispered, watching as Laura sobbed hopelessly in her arms. “I want so much to help you. I want to more than anything, but I can’t help you if I don’t know what I’m helping you with. If you can’t talk to me now, then that’s okay. But if I’m going to help you properly, I need to know what’s happening.” She slowly stroked Laura’s hair. “You’re my little creampuff. I don’t like seeing you hurt or upset.”

“If I tell you, do you promise that you will never tell anyone?” Carmilla nodded solemnly. “God! I didn’t even remember until last night. I wish I had never remembered. I wish it had been gone forever...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short chapter (I've been studying a lot for an exam tomorrow, but I wanted this chapter up, since it might be a few days before I can get anything else on here) with a little bit of a cliffhanger, I guess. I'll try and get the next chapter up by tomorrow evening (Australian time, sorry for anyone from a different timezone who's reading), but I've got exams and I mightn't have a reliable internet connection until pretty late. If not, I'll have it up in a couple of days. To anyone who's actually reading, thank you so much, it means the world to me! :D


	3. Looking Back

“I was seven years old when it started. I wasn’t even old enough to understand what it was that had happened. I just thought that all families were like that. My father was always so protective of me, and I assumed that he knew what was going on, so I thought, ‘yeah, it must be fine, it must just be normal, there’s nothing wrong with your Uncle Rick doing this sort of stuff to you.’ I was so fucking wrong...” Laura broke off, unable to meet Carmilla’s eyes.

“Laura,” Carmilla said tenderly, “you don’t have to-“  
“Yes I do, Carmilla,” Laura interrupted. “I can’t stop now that I’ve started. It’d eat me alive, even more than it already is.” Laura felt tears leaking out of her eyes. Carmilla slowly reached up and gently brushed them away. She kissed Laura softly. When they broke apart, Laura continued, clutching Carmilla just a little bit tighter.

“He kept finding reasons to stay with us. Before my mother...” Laura took a deep breath, “before she died, he would come over whenever dad wasn’t home. He would stay in the same bed as mom. I thought it was just because she got lonely, but I was so completely wrong.

I remember how sad I got when my dad wasn’t there to tuck me in, and so Uncle Rick would do that sometimes too. And then he wasn’t just tucking me in, he would touch me, and he’d say that I felt just like my mother, only a little bit younger. And then he’d go to my mother. I’d find her crying into her pillow after he left to get breakfast.

He’d never leave before father got back, and he’d always wash the sheets. One time I went into the laundry to get a shirt that mother had washed a few days prior. I looked in the washing machine, and I screamed so loud. I ran to Uncle Rick shouting, ‘THERE’S BLOOD IN THE WASHING MACHINE!’ And he just smiled and patted my head and said that there was no problem, and that as long as I kept my mouth shut, he wouldn’t put me in the washing machine. I was scared, so I let it be.”

“Did he ever... you know...” Carmilla squirmed, slightly uncomfortable, but nowhere near as uncomfortable as Laura felt.  
“Rape me?” Laura finished the vampire’s sentence. “Only after my mother died. Except I suppose you should know what really happened to her... my mom killed herself. And it was all Uncle Rick’s fault.” Laura’s voice broke again. Carmilla pulled her head against her chest, feeling hot tears pounding against her skin.  
“Shhhh,” Carmilla patted Laura’s hair gently. “You’re safe now. I promise you, you’re safe. You can stop now, okay? You’re safe.” Laura seemed not to hear Carmilla’s statement.

“After my mother shot herself, Uncle Rick was angry far more often. My dad got him to take care of me when he went out. I was nine years old. Some nights, when he knew my father wouldn’t be home for a while, Uncle Rick would take me to my parent’s bed – now just my father’s – and do what he must have been doing to my mother for all those years. He beat me sometimes, and blamed it on local kids. My dad was too far gone to notice, and once he came back, it was just so normal to see me that way. He didn’t think anything of it.

Finally, he found Uncle Rick right in the act one day. My dad was so angry, it almost made up for all those years of not caring. He wanted to bring me to the hospital or something, but I wouldn’t let him. I was 13 by then. I didn’t want anyone to know. Didn’t want to be seen as that freak who had been raped by her uncle. I was terrified of what my friends would think. I was already that kid who everyone kind of avoided. Everyone was afraid that my mother’s suicide would be ‘contagious’ or something... I threatened to kill myself if my father ever told anyone, and he was so scared of losing me that he let it go. 

Over time, I forgot. We moved houses. I remembered that my mother was raped by Uncle Rick, but I didn’t remember that he had raped me as well. I never remembered until we got so close to it last night, and I didn’t feel right, and I couldn’t figure out why until you held my hands over my head against the bed, and it was exactly what he used to do before he-“ Laura collapsed into sobs again, but these were the worst ones. They were silent, her face a mask of terror as tears streamed from her eyes. Carmilla held her as she whispered soothing words into the younger girl's ear, wishing that she could take on this pain for her.

When Laura had calmed a little bit, she turned away from Carmilla.  
"I just can't believe I forgot..." Laura whispered, dumbstruck. Carmilla's arms were still wrapped around Laura's torso. "You should go, Carm. Explore the castle and everything. I'll be fine." Carmilla looked dubious.  
"Creampuff," she said quietly, "you just told me that your uncle raped you, and caused your mother to kill herself. There's no way in hell that I'm leaving you alone..." Laura kept her back to Carmilla, refusing to answer. The dark haired girl sighed, frustrated.  
"Carmilla, I want to be alone," Laura whined, putting on her best imitation of frustration. She really didn't want Carmilla to be there when she really broke down, something she knew would be coming any second. When she did the thing that she hadn't done in years. Listened to the voice she hadn't given into since she was 14. The voice that thirsted for blood. Her blood.  
"Laura," Carmilla's tone was gentle but firm, as if sensing Laura's oncoming breakdown, "I'm not leaving." With a grunt of surprise, Carmilla felt herself topple from the bed. Laura got up.  
"Laura, what the hell!?" Carmilla explained, feeling her ribs where Laura's elbow had connected.  
"If you're not leaving, then I am," she growled, before walking to the bathroom and locking the door.


	4. Running Away

After brushing her teeth and putting on some fresh clothes, Laura walked out. She completely ignored Carmilla's pleas, although it became incredibly hard to ignore the vampire when she stood in front of the door.

"Let me out, Carmilla," Laura hissed, her voice dark. If they had been in any other situation, Carmilla would have snorted.  
"Or what, Laura?" She said, struggling to keep her voice level. "I'm a 300 year old vampire with incredible reflexes and senses, as well as 250 years of training on how to stop someone from running. You're a 19 year old human who's decisions are questionable right now, at best." Laura snarled slightly at Carmilla, actually snarled. More out of shock than fear, Carmilla stepped back slightly, directly into the door handle. She swore loudly as pain shot through her spine.

It was at that point that Perry and LaFontaine walked out of their room. Perry's shirt looked like it had been done up hastily, and LaFontaine's hair was ruffled, their pants unbuttoned.  
"What the hell is going on out here!?" LaFontaine scowled. "You two sound like you're having a fricking bar fight!" Carmilla scowled right back at the two of them. Laura's quickly cleared her face of most of her anger.  
"She won't let me leave," Laura exclaimed. Perry turned to look at Carmilla.  
"Is there a reason why you're restricting Laura's access yo the outside world?" Perry, ever the calm one.  
"Yes," Carmilla all but shouted, "it's only because Laura-" cutting her off with a cough, Laura shot Carmilla a look that said, 'you promised'. Carmilla shook her head defeated.  
"Only because Laura has a nasty habit of getting into trouble," she sighed. LaFontaine and Perry looked at both of them.  
"Well then," Perry said, strangely cheerful, "I see not reason to force Laura to stay here." After a meaningful glance from the red heads, Carmilla moved aside. As Laura stormed out the door, Carmilla called after her.  
"Laura," her voice faltered, unspoken words of comfort on her tongue. "Stay safe." Laura turned and stalked off.

Carmilla turned back to LaFontaine and Perry, finally taking in their appearances.  
"Why do you two look so rumpled," she growled. The two girls looked sheepishly at each other. Understanding dawned on Carmilla.  
"Oh god!" She shouted, horror in her voice. "Were you..." Perry's face was bright red.  
LaFontaine nodded, also somewhat red faced. Carmilla went to say something cutting, but swallowed it back and sighed.  
"Glad someone's got a happy couple," she muttered, before going upstairs to worry about Laura.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

As soon as she was out of sight of the house, Laura ran. She was all but blinded by tears, the voice in her head growing. Ever since all that business with Lophiiformes last year, Laura had though that one could feel no greater pain that the fear of losing their life to another being. Now she realised that she had been wrong. The worst pain could never be external. It could never be a fear of death. The worst pain was the fear of losing control.

She stumbled through the campus. As she ran, she saw Danny out of the corner of her eye. Danny held up her hand to wave at Laura, but Laura ran past. It was only after Laura was gone that she realised that Laura had tears in her eyes. Lots of them.  
"Laura!" She called after her, breaking into her own run. "Wait!" Laura kept running, pushing faster, but Danny's legs were far longer, and her body better trained to go further and faster. She ran in front of Laura and stopped her, wrapping her long arms around Laura's shaking form.  
"Laura, are you okay?" Danny asked softly. Laura tried to scowl in response, but it ended up being a watery frown.  
"Do I look like it?" She snapped. "Let go of me!" Laura pushed against the tall girls arms, but her grip was far too strong.  
"Tell me why you're crying and I'll let you go," Danny said. "Was it something Carmilla did?" Laura couldn't remember anymore if Carmilla had done something to deserve the way she had acted. Carmilla probably hated her now.  
'It's better that way,' she thought sadly, before returning to the matter at hand. Escaping Danny. There was only one way she was getting out of this.  
"It's not Carmilla's fault, really," Laura said with an obviously fake laugh. "I just need to be alone right now. I'll be all better in a few hours." She even managed to stop her tears. Danny looked closely at her, her eyes full of suspicion.  
"Are you sure, Laura?" She sounded so concerned that Laura nearly started crying again. "You shouldn't be alone if you're hurting..." Danny unwrapped her arms from Laura.  
"I promise you Danny. I'm fine," Laura lied.  
"You can always talk to me if you need to," Danny whispered as she hugged Laura again. "And talk to me once you're feeling better? I'll worry otherwise." After promising to talk to Danny if she needed someone and saying goodbye, Laura continued, now sure of where she needed to go.

No one would be able to find Laura once she was in the forest near the school. Laura palmed the knife in her pocket.  
"Sweet relief soon," she whispered to herself, before hurrying to the woods.


	5. Bloodlust

It was 9pm. Carmilla's frustration with Laura had completely evaporated into worry.  
"I'm so stupid," she muttered to herself, "I knew that Laura was upset, that nothing was personal, she could have fucking killed herself for all I know." Carmilla's eyes filled with tears at the thought of Laura lying dead somewhere. She tried desperately to banish the image from her mind, but it only got worse. A pool of blood now surrounded Laura. Carmilla cried out in anguish at the thought, and pulled Laura's yellow pillow closer.  
"Laura," she whispered, her voice breaking as the tears spilled over, "where are you..."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Laura pushed the door gently, expecting it to open so that she could quietly slip into the shower to wash the blood from her arms. The door stayed shut.

Sighing, Laura reached up for the knocker and banged it into the door three times, each one sending a shooting pain through her arm. She groaned in pain and frustration as she felt a cut reopen. Thick, warm blood travelled slowly down her arm.  
'How am I going to get past Carmilla now!?' She thought to herself. 

The door swung open with a loud creak, revealing a rather worried looking LaFontaine. When they saw Laura, they eyed her suspiciously.  
"Where have you been all day?" They said huffily. They had stood up for Laura's right to go out, only to hear absolutely nothing from her all day. Both LaFontaine and Perry had thought Laura might be dead.  
"I went for a walk," Laura smiled at LaFontaine, hoping that she appeared happy enough. "I went to the forest. I just needed some alone time." LaFonatine's look softened.  
"Did you enjoy yourself?" They looked worried again.  
'Shit, did Carmilla tell-' Laura's thoughts were interrupted as LaFontaine continued.  
"I know that Carmilla can't be easy to spend all that time with. I know you really like her, but she seems a little... Smothering at times." Laura found herself nodding, desperate to get to the shower.  
"Yeah, I guess she is." LaFontaine opened their mouth to say something else, but Laura quickly said, "listen, I really need a shower. Can I talk to you later?"  
"Sure Laura," they smiled. "I hope you and Carmilla are okay. Goodnight." As LaFontaine walked away, Laura moved carefully up the stairs, making sure she walked at a normal speed, so as not to alert her friend to the fact that something was wrong.

When she walked in the room, Carmilla was staring at the door. As soon as Laura entered, Carmilla ran over and threw her arms around the smaller girl.  
"Laura, I'm so sorry," she whispered, holding her tightly. "I should have been more understanding, this is a hard time for you, and I need to be with you, not against you." Carmilla took Laura's hand and kissed her knuckles. "You're my creampuff." 

As soon as she breathed in, Carmilla realised that something was wrong. After spending the whole day with Laura's pillow, Carmilla could smell Laura's scent without being near her, and she smelled it as she held Laura close, but she also smelled something else. A scent so tantalising that it made her mouth water despite her worry about where it was coming from.

"Laura," she stuttered slightly, "you're bleeding." She heard Laura gasp slightly, felt the girl's pulse quicken. Carmilla felt her own stomach drop. Laura let out a laugh. It was meant to sound light and airy. Instead it sounded strained.  
"You know me," she said, her voice still in that strange place between light and forced, "I'm just so clumsy. I'll go and have a shower to clean up." Laura pressed her lips to Carmilla's, hoping to slip away after the kiss, but Carmilla grabbed Laura's arm. Laura couldn't help but let out a gasp of pain. Carmilla immediately dropped Laura's arm, but took her hand instead, her grip like a vice.  
"What have you done," Carmilla whispered, her voice hollow and haunted. 

She slid Laura's sleeve up, and let out a strangled cry at the mess that she saw. Cuts crossed Laura's wrist, and went all the way up her arm. Blood still spilled from some of them, filling Carmilla's nose with the sweet scent. It smelled like Laura, but... Better, if that was possible. Like Laura mixed with every other good smell in the world. Carmilla groaned as she struggled to fight her instincts.

Laura saw what was happening to Carmilla and immediately regretted coming back.  
"Carmilla," she gasped, "I'm so sorry, I didn't think-" Carmilla cut her off, her voice coming out in fragments.  
"Leave..." She mumbled. "Lock the door behind you... I can't get out if you lock it from out there." Carmilla was almost crazy with thirst. She grabbed her head in her hands, feeling her ability to think clearly slipping away.  
"Carmilla, I-"  
"Run!" Carmilla screamed as she fought against herself. Laura took her advice. She ran and locked the door.

Perry was halfway up the stairs. The top two buttons on her shirt were undone.  
"What is going on in there?" She shouted at Laura. "All we could hear was Carmilla screaming at you. Are you okay?" She caught sight of Laura's arm. "What did she do to you!?" Laura looked panicked.  
"Nothing, she did nothing to me, this is all my fault!" Perry took in Laura's distress. They heard a crash from upstairs. Her face softened as she looked at her friend, close to tears.  
"Come on, Laura," she whispered as she hugged her shaking friend. "There's a room right next door to ours that you can stay in. And you can use our shower." Laura looked gratefully at Perry, who led her downstairs into a warm room. 

Laura showered, turning the water up high to block out the sound of Carmilla. After her shower, she curled up in bed, wearing a pair of LaFontaine's pyjamas. Try as she might, sleep eluded her. She could still hear Carmilla, and she felt tears leaking from her eyes. She felt a familiar cloud coming down around her, grief enveloping her like morning mist, and her soft tears turned into sobs. She screamed silently into the pillow on the bed as she tried not to listen to the voices in her head, all calling for her blood to spill.

"Hey, Laura," LaFontaine said softly, poking their head through the doorway. "Can I come in?" Laura gave them the thumbs up, and LaFontaine walked in. "I'm sorry we couldn't find you some nicer pyjamas." They motioned to the checkered flannel. "It was the smallest thing I had."  
"They're fine, LaF," Laura whispered, struggling to level her voice. LaFontaine looked at Laura, a concerned look on their face.  
"Listen," they began, "I didn't want to intrude or anything, but I heard you crying. Do you want to talk?" They came over and wrapped an arm around Laura. "Perry told me about the marks she saw on your arm. She thinks you're covering for Carmilla." They looked solemnly at Laura. "As much as I'd like to hope you didn't, I'm fairly certain you did this to yourself." Laura hung her head, shame flowing through her. LaFontaine let out a shaky breath as their fears were confirmed. "Laura-"  
"Please don't say it," she interrupted. "I'm not discussing it." LaFontaine looked taken aback. Laura was usually so open, and she was usually so strong through everything. What could have broken this girl so completely?  
"If you ever want to talk, I'm here, but you might want these for now," they said, handing Laura two tablets. "They're sleeping pills. You need to rest." Laura took them gratefully, and swallowed them down without water, secretly hoping to choke.  
'No such luck,' she thought sadly.

She thanked LaFontaine, and watched her friend leave, the drugs already beginning to take effect. Laura sighed as she looked up at the roof, a word going round in circles in her mind as her arm throbbed mercilessly.

"Why?"


	6. Borrowed Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: this chapter includes a lot of talked about suicide, as well as a description of an attempt. 
> 
> I know that that could be considered a spoiler, but I don't want to trigger anyone. This was hard to write, and I don't want anyone to get triggered by reading it, okay?

Laura woke up, groggy, disorientated, and wondering why Carmilla's arms weren't around her.   
"Oh..." She said to herself as she remembered the events of the previous night. She tried to stand and immediately fell back onto the bed. She couldn't tell if it was from the sleeping pills or from blood loss (her cuts had continued to open throughout the night). She briefly considered re opening them and letting herself bleed dry, but she desperately wanted to see Carmilla, so she washed her arm before covering it in a thick, soft bandage. Then she went slowly up the stairs.

She knocked gently on the door.  
"Carm?" She called out quietly. She knew that the vampire's super hearing would pick up the sound if she was awake, but she didn't want to wake Carmilla, especially since this whole mess was her fault in the first place. She heard a shuffling behind the door, and then the tumblers on a lock clicking to open. The door swung away from Laura slightly, just enough for Carmilla to poke her head out.  
"Laura," Carmilla said, clearly exhausted, "come in." She pulled the door open the rest of the way. Laura entered.

"Carmilla..." Laura started. "I'm so sorry, and I just wanted to-"  
"Shh," Carmilla interrupted, stroking Laura's hair softly. "You've been through a lot. I was wrong to let you go yesterday. I knew you weren't safe, and I let you go anyway. I should have stayed with you. I didn't. Whatever happened yesterday, whatever you did... I could have stopped it. And I didn't." Laura went to say something, but Carmilla continued. "I'm not letting this happen again, which is why I'm taking you to a group outside of Silas for people suffering from depression or suicidal urges. I know you might not want this now, but it's for the best." Laura's face was a picture of shock.  
"No," she stated plainly, "I'm not going. There's nothing wrong with me." At this, Carmilla grabbed Laura's hand and pulled down her sleeve, revealing the bandage.  
"Nothing wrong with you? Show me that the cuts I saw last night weren't really there and I'll believe that you don't need help." She threw Laura's arm away, wincing at the grunt of pain that came from Laura at the jarring of her arm.

"Carm, listen," Laura said, struggling not to freak out at the idea of people knowing her secret, "I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I'm not going to some group session where we talk about how fucked up we are and cry."  
"Laura, that's not what it would be-" Laura held up a hand, silencing the vampire.  
"I don't care, Carmilla. My point is that I'm not going. If I have one regret from the past few days, it's not the cutting, or the crying. It's not even remembering what happened. It's telling you." Laura's words pierced through to Carmilla's still heart.

Internally, Laura had no idea what she was doing. She just had this feeling that her life was going to end messily, and that messy end was going to come soon. She didn't want Carmilla to have to see it. She didn't want Carmilla to care when it happened. It had been three days since Laura had remembered her past, but the moment she remembered it, years of borrowed time came back. Years of borrowed time that she had been living on. The truth was, she hadn't just forgotten what her uncle had done to her.

The truth was much, much worse.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

5 years ago (Laura is 14)

It was summer. The flowers were so beautiful this time of year. 

Laura's mother used to love them. Then she took a gun and shot herself. After declaring their family "gun-free", Laura's father had fallen apart. She spent more and more time with her Uncle Rick. More and more time falling apart herself. Finally, when Laura was 13, her father figured out what had been happening. He walked in right as his own brother forced himself on Laura. She was unconscious, her face a bloody mess. She never found out what happened to her uncle. All she knew was that she never saw him again.

It had been nearly a year. Laura's birthday had come and gone with her unable to do anything to celebrate. She barely ate, only spoke when she had to, and never talked to boys except for her father. He heard her sometimes at night, crying. Terrified. When he could, he went into her room and sang to her in a smooth, deep voice until she fell asleep. She would act like she was too old for such things, but he knew she appreciated it.

On a particularly sunny day, Laura finally decided to try walking to and from school alone.   
"I'm getting better, dad," she lied, careful to always wear long sleeves to cover up her mutilated arms. Desperate for his daughter to be able to return to happiness, he relented.  
"I'm going to stay a bit later at the office," he said as he held her. "Call me if there's any problem." Laura turned to leave. "Laura," he whispered, but she was already out the door, "I love you..." In the weeks that followed, he would wonder if she would have been okay had she heard his words.

Laura's day went no differently from any other day. She was taunted for being the freak whose mother died. She sat down at lunch with her only friend, Sally. She could see that Laura was having a rough day.  
"How about you ask your dad if you can come over to my house tonight? Maybe you could stay over?" Sally looked hopefully at Laura, knowing that it was her permission, not her father's, that was needed.  
"Sorry, Sally," Laura sighed. "Maybe another time." They ate their food in silence.

After school, Laura walked home alone, just like she had wanted. She went home quickly, and grabbed the sharpest kitchen knife she could find. She ignored her father's note to take her pills, and quickly wrote her own note. An apology.

"I'm so sorry. I love you, but I can't live for you. I have to live for myself... But I'm gone already. Goodbye dad.  
~Laura"

Laura's father came home, believing everything to be normal.  
"Hi Laura," he called, "I was thinking about going to that new burger place. I thought you might like it. Don't worry, they have vegetarian options..." He trailed off, noticing that Laura's pills were on their side. It could just be nothing, but there was a piece of paper attached to it. He read Laura's handwriting, his terror growing.  
"Laura!" He shouted. "Where are you, honey?" That was when he noticed the missing knife.

He found her in her room, convulsing as her blood drained out of her. The knife was still in her arm. He screamed, tears running down his face.  
"No!" He screamed again. "No, no, NO!" He picked Laura up with ease. She was light after barely eating for years. Holding her in one arm, he pulled out his mobile.  
"911!" He cried into the phone. "Help me, please! My daughter is dying!"

They told him to try and put pressure on the wounds, and that they'd be there soon. He stood out in the driveway, cloths pressed to Laura's arms. He sobbed the whole time.  
"Not you too," he wept. "Not you too." The ambulance arrived, and quickly began to work on her arms. When they thought she was okay to move, they drove her to the hospital, someone always on hand in case she needed anything. 

After a blood donation, Laura stayed in a coma for 3 days. When she woke up, her father hugged her carefully, so as not to break the stitches. Laura went into counselling soon after, but everyone said the same thing.  
"This girl different from someone who's been abused." They all would say. After putting Laura through many tests, her father was told that she no longer remembered that she herself had been hurt and raped by her Uncle Rick: only that her mother had been. He was told that it was the blood loss combined with a desperate desire to forget. Whatever it was, he'd take it.

He let his daughter forget her past, but he himself never forgot. And he loved her for every day that she lived. Thankful for the extra years she got.  
"I'm so glad you lived, my dear. I love you so much more than I could ever need money," he said when she asked him if he'd rather she hadn't cost him all that money. And when he said that, he truly meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this chapter is kinda messy (and violent/suicidal). I was going to have it as two separate chapters, but they seemed too short on their own. So it's a little bit messy in it's setup.
> 
> Also: I am so sorry if I've triggered anyone. I know that it's a possibility (one that I really hope hasn't happened), but if I have, I'm so fucking sorry. I tried not to be to extreme with it, but I wanted it to be the truth that I saw in this story. This is what I saw, and I'm so sorry if it's hurt someone.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading.
> 
> ~Elphachel


	7. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so just a reminder, because I put the little flashback thing in:
> 
> 1) Carmilla has suggested Laura do counselling sessions (something Laura doesn't want to to).  
> 2) Laura told Carmilla that she regretted confiding in her about the problems she was having.  
> 3) Laura is pushing Carmilla away because she doesn't want to hurt her when she kills herself.
> 
> I think that's it. If not, it's all in the last chapter anyway.
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ~Elphachel

Back in the present day, Laura was pushing Carmilla away, ready to give up on her borrowed time and second chances. Ready to finally meet her mother again.  
"What do you mean?" Carmilla looked crushed. "Telling me was the worst thing you've done? Laura, look at me!" She pulled Laura's face so that they were nose to nose, eye to eye. Mouth to mouth.

"Laura, I love you," Carmilla whispered. "I love you so, so much. I want to help you. Please don't push me away..." Laura pressed into her for a kiss. Carmilla responded happily, pulling Laura as close as she could, desperate to feel the younger girl and know that it was all okay now.

Laura could feel her resolve dying. She wanted to protect Carmilla so much, but maybe with Carmilla by her side, she could live, she could fight, she could get better... Without meaning to, Laura was crying. Carmilla broke their kiss and had Laura wrapped up in a blanket and her arms within seconds.  
"Cupcake," Carmilla said softly, "I know that you don't want to go to a support group." She felt Laura stiffen in her arms at the mention of the support group, but she pushed on. "I know how hard it can be to admit that you're hurting. You want to seem strong. But trust me, I've been to hell and back - literally, I'll tell you about that another time - and at the end if it all, those people who say that the first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem? They're right." Carmilla went silent for a minute, deciding how much she should say to Laura.

"Carmilla," Laura's voice was as sharp as the knives she used to cut her skin, "I'm not going to take part in your stupid pity-party bullshit!" Laura pushed the blanket off and stood up. "I am going for a walk now. I swear to god, if you come near me, I will stake you through your damn heart." Carmilla recoiled, actually frightened of Laura for the first time.  
'What if she's gone?' Carmilla thought worriedly. 'This isn't her. This can't be my Laura...' Carmilla took Laura's hands in hers. Laura snarled, but Carmilla used her strength to hold Laura in place.  
"Laura, listen to me, this isn't you," Carmilla pleaded, "please, don't let the voices own you, come back to me, please, please, Laura, I love you!" Laura pulled away and walked out the door, closing it behind her.

With a scream, Carmilla picked up the chair in front of Laura's desk and threw it against the door. The shattered as though it had been made of glass.  
"Come back to me, Laura," she screamed into the air, tears streaming down her face. Then she saw Laura's computer, the small camera sitting exactly where it had been since Laura turned it off a few nights ago. Carmilla slowly picked up the computer and opened it.  
"You should really put a password on your computer, creampuff," Carmilla whispered into the air. Then she opened up the first of Laura's videos and pressed play.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"Hey Hollis," Danny said as Laura walked past. "Feeling any better today?" Laura looked up at Danny, and Danny got her first good look at Laura. Despite her feelings for the smaller girl, Danny couldn't help but think how awful Laura looked right now. She looked like she hadn't been sleeping well. Black rings circling her eyes made it look like she had let her girlfriend do her makeup for her. Her face was clearer this time (although she could still see traces of tears on her face), but her eyes flicked around, flecks of insanity scattered into her pupils. All in all, Danny was worried. Very worried.

"Laura," she whispered softly, "what have you done?" Laura looked away sharply, unable to meet the tall girl's worried gaze. She let out a fake laugh.  
"Danny!" Her voice sounded hollow. "You keep catching me at the worst times. I was just about to go for another walk."  
"Without your shadow again?" Danny said, referring to Carmilla. "Be careful: people might start to think you're having issues with dating a bloodsucking goth girl." Laura couldn't remember if she should laugh or not, so she opted for a weak smile. The voices were calling for blood again, and this time she planned to give them everything.  
"She and I are fine, I just... Need some alone time. Besides, Carmilla's having a nap." Danny raised an eyebrow.  
"I feel like "alone time" is your way of telling me to get lost," she said playfully. "I'll see you later Hollis, okay?" She smiled down at Laura, clearly waiting for an answer.  
"Yeah, of course," Laura lied. "I'll drop in on the way back. See you later." She flashed Danny another fake smile, and moved on.

'Back to the forest,' she thought, taking in her surroundings. If things went right, she'd never see them again.


	8. Save Her

Laura stood in the forest, her phone in her hand. She knew that this was going to be the end of her, and she was finally truly scared. Scared of what this would do to Danny, and Perry, and LaFontaine... And Carmilla... She knew that she couldn't leave without saying goodbye.

She pulled up Carmilla's number. Her fingered hovered over the call button.  
'I can't do this,' she thought sadly. 'Maybe they'll never find me now. I'll just lie here. Everyone will just think I ran away from Silas, and all the troubles it brought...' Laura was on the verge of breaking down again.

She swallowed her tears and turned on her phone's camera.  
"Hello, gentle view-" Laura paused. "Oh, screw it! This video is for Danny, LaF, Perry, and... Carmilla. I had to say goodbye to you. I know that I probably haven't seemed myself the past few days. The only one who knows why is Carmilla. Carm... If they ask you, tell them. They deserve to know why I did this. I was going to say goodbye properly, but I just... Couldn't. So this is my goodbye. My final video. In the end, this'll be better. You'll know where to find my body. Goodbye, my friends."

Laura nearly turned off the camera, and then she thought better and turned back to it, tears shining in her eyes.  
"Carmilla... I love you so so much. If anything comes next, not only will I desperately regret not spending my misery with the people I love, I will spend that time missing you. I just can't stay if there's any chance that whatever happens after death is less painful. I hope you can understand. Please don't miss me. But know that I love you, and always will. Goodbye, my beautiful, incredible Carmilla."

Laura turned off the camera just in time to avoid breaking down in the video. She put it up online. And then she wept, before dragging the knife down her arm and watching the world slowly go black.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

"What on earth..." Carmilla watched as a new video went up on Laura's online account. "Untitled," she read. "No picture. No description. What could this-" Carmilla cut herself off as she realised exactly what it could be. "No," she whispered, "no, no, no, no, no!" Carmilla kept repeating that word, as though it could prevent the video from being what she knew it would be. She pressed play.

By the end of the video, Carmilla was crying in earnest. She barely even noticed as Danny stormed into the room.  
"Where the fuck is Laura, you freaking bloodsucking asshole!?" Carmilla just turned around to face the tall redhead and stared up at her, her face gaunt and somehow even more pale than usual.  
"She's gone," Carmilla whispered. Everything about her was empty.  
"What do you mean she's gone!? That video was just a sick joke that some monster made, right?" When Carmilla didn't answer, Danny collapsed onto the floor. 

Carmilla slowly stood up from her seat, and walked over to Danny. Then she did something surprising. She hugged her. Held her tightly and sobbed into her shoulder. The two girls who had always hated each other sat onto the floor together crying over the girl that they both loved. LaFontaine and Perry walked in to see this.  
"No," LaFontaine said, "don't tell me we're too late." They put their head in their hands, pressing their palms into their eyes in the hope that they could stop the tears that were threatening to spill over. Perry wrapped her arms around LaFontaine and buried her face into their shoulder.

Carmilla suddenly stopped crying. She looked up sharply.  
"Too late..." She said softly. "Too late." Danny glared at her.  
"Yeah, vampire," she snapped, her momentary feeling of companionship with Carmilla gone. "Too late!" Carmilla grabbed Danny by the shoulders, shaking her.  
"Danny!" She shouted excitedly. "The video was posted 6 minutes ago. Knowing Laura, it would have taken her a few minutes to actually do it. She could still be alive!" Danny looked at her, still frustrated.  
"Yeah, but we still can't find her. We know she's in the woods. That's it." Danny fought the urge to slap Carmilla, who was still smiling like a fool.  
"If I focus on that place where she filmed the video, I can teleport there!" Carmilla closed her eyes, and began to focus. Danny grabbed for her.  
"Carmilla, wait!" Her hand went through air as Carmilla disappeared in a puff of black smoke. "Save her..." Danny whispered. LaFontaine and Perry were still embracing behind her. 

"For everyone, save her."


	9. Black Smoke

"Fuck!" Carmilla snarled, looking around. She had landed in the wrong place by a good mile or so. "How did I fuck up this bad when I really needed to not fuck up!?" Carmilla looked around the clearing, suddenly realising why she had ended up there. She and Laura had had a picnic there that spring.

Carmilla felt tears springing to her eyes at the thought of never getting to have that with her girlfriend again. Never getting to buy her ludicrously expensive champagne and food, and sit under the stars eating it. Never getting to show her all the constellations, pointing out the ones that had changed in some way over the past three hundred years. Never getting to watch Laura's eyes light up as she watched Carmilla, a smile on both of their lips as they met in the night for a happy, gentle kiss.

Carmilla didn't know where to go now. She couldn't see the part of the forest where Laura was now. She knew it was a mile away, but she had no idea which direction was the right one. She started to cry.  
'I can't find her,' she thought, 'I'm only a mile away from saving her, and I can't do it.'

Even if she could find Laura, Carmilla had no idea how to save her. If there was time, she could transport Laura to the hospital, but if Laura was too far gone, Carmilla's only way to save her would be to turn her into a vampire.  
"Which is worse?" Carmilla whispered to herself. "To spend eternity without her, or eternity with her hating me?" She sighed. It looked like she wouldn't get a chance to choose.

Carmilla thought of Laura. The soft skin of her neck. Her gentle lips, the way her hair flowed just right. She could never be so stupidly romantic, but Carmilla truly believed that she had never seen as beautiful a creature in all her life. She had seen witches who transformed to show your hearts desire, the most beautiful human that the mind could create, but now those memories looked dull and impure compared to Laura. Her laugh, her smile. Everything that Carmilla would miss that made her so incredible. The way that she was so stubborn when it came to helping people. She never listened to Carmilla, the way she refused to believe it would be the end of her. Carmilla thought of Laura, of all the things she loved.

Lost in thought, Carmilla didn't notice herself becoming weightless again, in the way the she did when she was transporting. She didn't notice as black smoke enveloped her. She didn't notice landing with a soft thud. What she did notice was the sharp, metallic tang of blood assaulting her nose. The rush of it pouring out of someone sounding through her ears. She felt the ground wet beneath her with the red liquid. And then she saw it.

A girl lay on the ground, her hair mixed with the leaves. A knife sat next to her. Blood pumped slowly out of her arm. Carmilla recognised the girl, terror shooting through her, as well as a terrible hunger.

Fear in her veins, she scooped Laura up, fighting against her body telling her to feed. She groaned from the smell of it. She hadn't fed in days.  
"Goddamnit Laura!" She shouted. She felt the girl start in her arms. Carmilla smiled slightly, despite the difficulty she was having keeping control.  
"All this and still kicking?" She whispered, kissing Laura's forehead. "That's my girl. You're safe now. You're safe."

Without wasting another second, Carmilla pictured the hospital. She felt a momentary surge of panic as she lost the feeling of Laura in her arms, but she realised that in order to transport them both, they would both go into the weightless stage. Black smoke covered them, causing Laura to let out a cough.  
"Keep breathing, cupcake," Carmilla stroked Laura's hair with the hand that wasn't holding her up. "We'll be there soon."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

True to Carmilla's predictions, they arrived at the hospital quickly, without any mishap this time. Blood was still pumping out of Laura's arms, and Carmilla realised that she probably should have been putting pressure on the wounds. All of the doctor who were standing in the waiting room stared at them in shock.  
"You're looking like I've grown an extra fucking head!" Carmilla shouted angrily. "You work near Silas University: weird shit happens all the time. Help my fucking girlfriend!"

At that, all of the doctors burst into life, one of them taking Laura out of Carmilla's arms and putting her on a stretcher so that she could be moved. Carmilla watched Laura until she was out of sight, and then groaned as she saw that she herself was covered in blood. A nurse came into sight.  
"Miss?" She said, obviously slightly scared of her. Everyone knew Carmilla was a vampire now.  
'Great..." She thought dryly.  
"Would you like a place to get cleaned up?" Carmilla looked at the nurse, surprised. Most people wanted to stake her when she found out that this somewhat violent looking girl was a vampire who could kill them within milliseconds, but this girl was different. She seemed more... Accepting.  
"Yes, please," Carmilla said, thankful for the kindness.

The nurse led Carmilla down a long hallway. They got halfway, before Carmilla broke down, sobbing violently. The nurse slowly went over and hugged Carmilla. She felt the girl flinch, before settling into the hug. The nurse helped Carmilla into a room that was near them in the hallway, and they sat down together.  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" Carmilla asked quietly. The nurse looked uncomfortable for a minute, before she sighed.  
"She was my best friend," the nurse whispered. Carmilla's head snapped up in surprise.  
"Laura!?" She all but shouted. The nurse shook her head gently.  
"No, not Laura." Carmilla settled slightly. "Her name was Nancy, and she was the most incredible person I've ever known. I loved her like one would a sister. Many people believe that we were made for each other. I suppose they were right. If people can be made for each other, then Nancy and I certainly were." She sighed again. Carmilla looked at her softly.  
"What happened?" She said, already sure she knew the answer.

"She got married, and had a daughter, but her husband's brother was abusive when no one else could see. I tried to help her, but I just couldn't. Not without putting her daughter at risk. One night, she killed herself. I never got to tell her that she was the best thing in my life, the most important thing I'd ever had, and ever could have. My best friend, now and forever..." The nurse stopped talking for a minute. "When your girlfriend wakes up - and she will wake up - tell her what she means to you. Tell her what you feel for her. Remember from now until the end of your days together that you can't wait to tell someone why you love them, because they could be gone in a flash and you'll be left with all this love that you can't share." They both sat in silence. Then Carmilla stood.  
"Thank you," she said softly. Then she disappeared in a puff of black smoke. 

The nurse stared at the space where Carmilla had once stood, and then pulled a small photograph out of her with her friend, Nancy Hollis, and Nancy's daughter, Laura Hollis.  
"Don't take your daughter yet, Nancy," she whispered to the photo. "It's not her time. Let love run it's course." She could have sworn she felt a faint breeze go through the closed building, as though it was Nancy's way of saying hello to her friend. Perhaps it was a goodbye.

The nurse brushed her uniform off and went back to work.


	10. Sunlight

It was midnight when Carmilla's phone rang.

It had been 7 days since Laura had been admitted to hospital. 5 days since she had woken up. 3 days since she had been allowed to have visitors. And now, finally, Carmilla would be allowed to see her.

Carmilla had wanted to be there when Laura woke up, but the hospital refused. Apparently having a blood drinking vampire who eats when she's emotional wasn't high on the hospital's "ways-to-keep-our-patients-safe" list. In fact, it was probably more on the hospital's "ways-to-get-our-patients-killed-and-us-sued" list. Carmilla understood. She wasn't happy about it, but she understood.

Carmilla had been a nervous ball of energy all week. She had been shifting between her human form and her cat form nearly twenty times a day. She had been sleeping during the day, like she usually did, but now she was being loud and disruptive during the nights, until eventually LaFontaine walked out of the room they were sharing with Perry and told Carmilla to fuck off. Carmilla noticed that LaFontaine had nothing but a sheet on and shuddered, making a vow to herself to NEVER go into their room again. Now that Laura wasn't in extreme life-threatening danger to them, they had gone back to their regular "nightly activities". This got Carmilla out of the house most nights.

Carmilla stared at her phone anxiously.  
'What if Laura's suddenly gotten worse,' she thought, 'or died, or she said she doesn't want to see me-' LaFontaine's voice carried up the stairs:  
"ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE OR I'LL THROW IT OUT THE WINDOW! I'M MEANT TO BE ASLEEP!" LaFontaine startled Carmilla so much that she actually did exactly what they had told her to and answered the phone.

"Hi, this is Carmilla, right?" Carmilla recognised the voice of the nurse who had helped her. "I hope this wasn't a bad time, but I know you sleep during the day, so..."  
Carmilla chuckled at the thought of LaFontaine's shouting.  
"Yes, it is Carmilla. No, it's not a bad time for me." There was a pause on the other end.  
"I was just calling to let you know that we've finished "vampire-proofing" the hospital, so it should be fine for you to come in now." Carmilla chuckled once again.  
"How do you vampire proof a building full of bleeding people?" She asked, legitimately curious.  
"You move the patient you want to the closest room and cover every other door with garlic. Most of the rooms have stakes in them too," she said somewhat apologetically. Carmilla let out a bark of laughter.  
"You humans never cease to amaze and amuse me." Another pause. "If I were to teleport into the waiting room right now, could I see her?"  
"Well," the nurse said thoughtfully, "she is asleep, but you could wait there until she wakes up if you want." Carmilla smiled, and had arrived at the hospital within seconds.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Sunlight came softly through the windows. Carmilla smiled as the light illuminated Laura's face.  
'She's so beautiful,' Carmilla thought happily. Carmilla had been there since around 1am. She had only left once, to go and get some blood. The hospital's vampire proofing did not, unfortunately, prevent her from smelling the blood of all the patients around, and (despite the myths) garlic does about as much to stop vampires as a paper cut does to stop humans: it's an annoyance, certainly, but it doesn't prevent anything.

Laura yawned, her eyes fluttering slightly in the same way that Carmilla felt her heart (the metaphorical one, of course) flutter as Laura groaned her name. Despite not having slept near Carmilla for almost two weeks now, Laura still expected to feel the vampires warm body pressed against hers each morning. Carmilla smiled at the thought of getting to wake up next to Laura every day forever, before shoving the daydream out of her head. Laura would grow old, and she would not. Carmilla felt despair beginning to take her.

"Carm?" The word broke Carmilla out of her thoughts, and she rushed over to the small, fragile looking girl who had whispered it.  
"Yes, cupcake," Carmilla sung out quietly. Laura's face broke into a wide smile.  
"It is you! They kept saying you were going to come but you never did... I thought you didn't want to see me anymore." Laura looked so miserable that Carmilla had to hug her.  
"Creampuff," she said into her ear, "didn't they tell you that they were "vampire proofing" the place? Garlic, stakes, the lot. Obviously they read the same FICTIONAL book as you and the ginger squad..." Laura hugged Carmilla back as tightly as she could.  
"I love you, Carmilla," Carmilla smiled down at Laura as she said those words, before remembering what the nurse had said to her.

"Laura," she started, "I... You... I..." Laura looked concerned as Carmilla searched for words. Finally, Carmilla found them.  
"I have lived for 300 years, Laura. And not once in those 300 years have I found words that could adequately describe what you mean to me. I don't have the words to capture your beauty. I don't have the words to praise your intelligence. I don't have the words to tell you how amazing you are. I can't give you those words, because they do not exist." Carmilla paused here. Laura looked at her, a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"These words can never capture what you are to me, but I will give them to you anyway, so that you can see even a fraction of what you mean to me. Three words which are what I give you, and will give you every day until the end of time:

I love you."


	11. In the Aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys,
> 
> So this is going to be the last chapter, I don't even know if anyone's reading this anymore, but if you are I want to say a huge thank you. If you've been here since chapter one, thank you. If you started reading yesterday, thank you. If you have just read this, thank you so much. Just having people read my work means so much to me, really.
> 
> I'll probably post a new fic soon, but thank you so much for all the suppose with this one, I appreciate it so much!
> 
> ~Elphachel

Laura was permitted to leave the hospital two weeks later. When she got out, Carmilla immediately took her back to the castle they had been staying in ever since their "flee-from-Lophiiformes" adventure.  
"Come on," she said, a basket filled with food in one hand, Laura's hand in the other.  
"Carm," Laura whined, "would you just tell me where we're going?" Carmilla smirked at Laura.  
"Let's just say LaF didn't board up ALL of the trap doors..." Laura giggled slightly, still on a few meds that made her a little bit loopy.

They kept going until they reached a dead end. Some of the stone had been carved to form the shape of an archway, but when Laura tried to go through, she couldn't.  
"Carm," she laughed, "there's nothing here. We're lost." Carmilla mock frowned.  
"Are you doubting my navigation skills, cupcake?" She said, feigning hurt. Laura laughed and planted a kiss on Carmilla's pouting lips.  
"I just don't see why we couldn't just teleport."  
"Cupcake," Carmilla smiled, "you live on a diet of cookies and soda. The exercise will do you good. Not to say you don't look fantastic, but still. Wouldn't want you getting sick." Carmilla retook Laura's hand.  
"The reason," she said softly, "you can't get through, is because you need a supernatural being with you to enter." She tugged gently on Laura's hand. "Come on."

They walked through the archway with ease, and Laura laughed in delight as she took in her surroundings. They stood in a green meadow. The sky was a deep, dark blue, filled with stars. Fireflies flitted around, keeping the meadow in a state of glowing. One spot was illuminated particularly well with a collection of candles surrounding it. This spot was bellow a tree, and many different kinds of fruit hung from the tree, all perfectly ready to eat. By the light of the candles, Laura could see a rug, as well as some blankets and pillows lying next to it.

She turned to Carmilla, real joy shining in her eyes, the first real joy that Carmilla had seen in them in weeks. Laura had been going to group sessions at the hospital. She didn't love them, but she had been slowly getting better. Despite being out of the hospital, Laura would still have to return once a week for sessions. Carmilla always stayed with her, her heart (metaphorical again) wrenching with every terrible word that spilled from Laura's mouth. Carmilla began to sleep at night so that she could stay with Laura during the day. Seeing this joy on Laura's face now... She was so glad that she had brought her here.

Carmilla placed the picnic basket down and bent over to open it. Feeling as though she was being observed, she turned and watched as Laura face turned quite red.  
"Creampuff," she smirked, her tone sultry, "you can keep staring if you want." Laura laughed as Carmilla winked at her. Then Carmilla went back to the basket.  
"We've got cookies, cupcakes, chocolate, apples, peanut butter..." Carmilla continued to rattle off a long list of foods, but Laura cut her off by pressing their lips together.  
"We could have nothing to eat, and I'd still be perfectly content, what with the view I've got and everything." Carmilla smiled softly.  
"It is a beautiful place, and-"  
"I was talking about you, Carm..." Laura interrupted. The two girls smiled at each other before Carmilla pulled Laura down onto the blanket, wrapping her in a soft embrace.  
"I love you, Carmilla."  
"I love you too, Laura."

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Laura continued to get better. Despite the problems she had, her school work barely suffered, and she worked twice as hard to make it all up. Three months after her suicide attempt, Laura was fully back into her life. 

There were times when Laura would wake up screaming in the night, and Carmilla would hold her even tighter than usual until the terror subsided and Laura fell back into sleep. Eventually, Laura felt well enough to discuss an important matter that had been plaguing Laura's mind for a while.

"I want you to turn me," Laura whispered to Carmilla one night. They lay curled up against one another, and Laura felt Carmilla stiffen slightly. She feigned confusion in the hope that Laura would leave it, or say she was joking.  
"Turn you gay?" She purred into Laura's ear. "Hate to say it, creampuff, but I've already got that one pretty well covered." Laura laughed lightly, but tried again.  
"No Carm. I want you to turn me into a vampire." She turned to face Carmilla. "Carmilla, I'm going to be 20 in a few months. If we keep going this way, I'm going to be too old for you. We need to stop this now before it gets to an age where people could judge us for our love." Carmilla's face was a picture of shock.  
"Laura..." She seemed at a loss for words. "I know you think it's the right thing for us-" Laura kissed Carmilla, interrupting her.  
"I think you mean I know it's the right thing for us." Carmilla sighed at Laura's words.  
"But what happens when 200 years have passed and you can't stand me anymore? What happens when you've been alive for hundreds of years, all your friends are dead, and you realise that I've done the worst thing that I could possibly have done?" Carmilla looked straight into Laura's eyes. "What happens when you change your mind and it's far too late?"

"Carmilla." Laura practically sighed her name, love on her lips. "That will never happen. I learned to live again for you. After I remembered what my uncle had done... I didn't want to live, but I did for you. I want to be with you forever. I've stayed alive for you. Now let me die for you." Carmilla looked at Laura and suddenly realised how sure she was. Laura loved her. And she loved Laura. 

With love in her heart, Carmilla changed Laura, so that they could never lose each other again.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

The wedding was nice. It wasn't too big. It's not like they could just advertise the fact that they both had barely changed since they started university almost five years ago. They could do a lot with their makeup, and they could cut and style their hair all they wanted, but neither Laura nor Carmilla could look like they were 23, which was now the age that they were meant to be. 

Their friends were really the only ones at the service. LaFontaine and Perry were there. They were getting married next year, and despite how desperate LaFontaine had been to try out a new method of "no-man-impregnation", Perry had insisted on old fashioned adoption, afraid that their baby would be born with a few extra heads otherwise. They had only begun filling out the forms two weeks prior to the wedding, but things were already looking like they were going to work out.

Danny was there, and in a big surprise to all, she brought a date. She had met Ell in a book store, and things had progressed from there. It had been 3 months of them dating before Danny found out that she was a werewolf.  
"You're kidding me," Carmilla said when she found out. "What are the odds that you would find love in a supernatural being called Ell after I lost the love of a girl called Ell because I'm a supernatural being?" Ell and Danny had only been together for a year, but anyone could tell that they were all but made for each other. Laura was glad that Danny had found someone.

There were others there as well. Kirsch was there, and a few of the less overbearing Zetas had shown up. They were all managing to be civil around the Summer Society girls. Technically none of them were Zetas or members of the Summer Society anymore, but the old rivalry ran deep. Everyone had sworn to be on their best behaviour. Given that Carmilla had threatened to rip apart their limbs and feed them to each other, it wasn't hard to figure out why.

Carmilla had offered to turn Perry and LaFontaine as well.  
"Laura could use some immortal friends, and I don't completely hate you two," she had said. "Besides: you could spend eternity together as vampires." She was actually vaguely disappointed when they refused. She could see LaFontaine working through it in their head, all of the new inventions they could see with immortality. It was Perry who spoke for both of them, though.  
"Sorry, Carmilla," she said softly, "but I don't want an eternity with LaF; I just want all of my life with them. Besides, you know how I am about blood: I'd be so worried about spilling it, I'd never drink any." She pulled Carmilla into a gentle hug.  
"Thank you, anyway," she whispered.

After the wedding was over, there was food. Some of the guests looked vaguely horrified when they found out that the jug filled with red liquid was not water with food dye. Laura and Carmilla were too lost in each other's eyes to notice. All too soon, the day was over.

Carmilla was teasing Laura on their way home.  
"Remind me again why we went with a wedding?" She joked. "Will we have to do it again every hundred years? And besides, we're two teenagers. Won't it look weird when we say we're married?" Laura laughed alongside Carmilla, especially when they imagined going back through schooling with a wife. When they stopped laughing, Laura turned to Carmilla.  
"I never expected to see so far through the future. I thought I'd get to 80, maybe 90, and that'd be it. No more to see." She sighed. "I wonder what the future will hold for the human race..." Carmilla took her hand gently.  
"Whatever it holds, we'll face it together. And the future could never look so bad when you're in it." Laura laughed at how cheesy the line was.

They were silent for a short while. Finally, Laura spoke.  
"Carm?" She whispered.  
"Hmm," Carmilla responded, focusing on her driving.  
"I'm glad you saved me." Carmilla gasped slightly, surprised that this topic would come up. They hadn't talked about what happened much.  
"Laura..." Carmilla started, but Laura kept talking.  
"I thought that life was too hard to live. That it was worth dying to get rid of the pain. I thought that maybe you were worth dying for. That the thought of hurting you continually because of what I was feeling, that it was worth dying to help you." Laura paused, breathing in. "I now realise that you aren't worth dying for. Nothing is worth dying for. Do you know what you are worth though, Carm? You're worth living for."

Laura fell silent as Carmilla pulled into the driveway. Carmilla sat there, tears leaking from her eyes. Her hand grasped Laura's again, clutching her tightly. Both of them were now crying. She was finally composed enough to speak.  
"I've said this before and I'll say it again: I don't have the words to describe what you mean to be, and these three words can only show you a fraction of what you are, but I'll say them anyway so that you can have some idea." Carmilla lifted Laura's hand up to her mouth and kissed it.

"I love you."  
"I love you too, Carmilla."


End file.
